Once upon a time I used to be someone who would let people walk all over me. This was a very long time ago and since then I have been through so much that I have been able to build strength and confidence above all the shit. Oh, and one more thing…ZERO tolerance for bullshit from anyone, especially from Men!
Last weekend something very unfortunate happened to me. I felt uncomfortable, I felt bashed and judged. I didn’t deserve any of it. The weekend before this past one, Halloween weekend, this husband had been taking passive aggressive digs at me. I let it go because normally when people do this it has nothing to do with you and all to do with them, their insecurities and whatever else they are dealing with in life. It happened again the following weekend, last weekend, except this time it was really just crossing a line you do not cross with me. Once this line of respect is crossed there is no coming back into my world. A word to the wise. ZERO TOLERANCE FOR BULLSHIT. I could tell from the moment he and his wife (whom I thought I was close with until I saw how she handled this), got into a conversation with me that his whole demeanor was aggressive and angry. Just seemed like he wanted to pick an argument. I am happy to ignore this type of behavior as long as it isn’t directed towards me, but alas, comments were directed to me, one which was very inappropriate, the other which was a comment you don’t make to another parent unless they are physically abusing their child.
As some of you may know, I am having a second child on my own through sperm donation. I was talking about how I want my daughter to be involved in every step of the process. If she wants to be in the room when I give birth, I am happy to have her there. He made a comment in a very aggressive and frat boy manner, “Oh well can I come watch too.” Holy Fuck, are you kidding me?!! I was so taken aback. His wife was standing right there. What kind of man makes a comment like that to another women, especially in front of your wife? Disgusting! I tried to brush that one off best I could but immediately just felt an ickiness over the comment and not having his wife come to my defense.
I have a child that I wouldn’t trade for the world or anyone else’s child for that matter. I have never looked at anyone else’s child and said to myself, “I wish my kid acted like that kid.” I have never once thought that. Is she perfect? No, no kid is perfect, but she is perfect for me and my expectations. She has her moments just like any kid, but I am strict and I don’t stand for bad behavior. I am also a really goofy fun mom. Remember I have to play mom and dad everyday. I also have a very close relationship with my daughter, I treat her like my equal. I don’t have to talk to her like a little baby, I can talk to her like an adult and at times like a close friend and like anyone you are extremely close with and spend everyday with, you will get under each others skin. On this particular evening she was pissing me off. Whining about every little thing. I had enough of it and as she was interrupting me for the 100th time during a conversation, I turned to her in a very stern voice and said, “Go away from me right now, you are bothering me, leave me alone!” That’s when this husband who had been taking digs and having aggressive tones with me for the short time they had been outside, looked at me with the same passive aggressive tone and said, “Is that how you are going to parent your second child?” OH FUCK NO YOU DID NOT JUST QUESTION MY PARENTING OR SAY THAT IN FRONT OF MY KID!
Are you wondering if my friend, his wife said anything in my defense? No, she just stood there. Are you wondering why I didn’t reach out and say something to her? Because when you make it clear you are pissed and it all happened in front of someones face, the person that was attacked does not have to do the reaching out. This wasn’t a guessing game of how I felt, the way I left it, it was very clear how I felt. I cursed him out, grabbed my kids bike and made it very clear I was upset and we left. This is a huge no no. Number one, don’t judge a parent, especially during these trying times that we are all dealing with. Number two, don’t EVER judge a single parent who is playing the roll of both parents, providing for their child without the help of another and doing the damn best they can. I know I am a great parent. You can see that in my child. She really is a wonderfully behaved kid. There are more teachers, parents, kids, and family who can vouch for this. Even in her crappy little kid moments, she is good and snaps out of it pretty quickly. I don’t question my parenting for a second because of how wonderful my child is turning out. But regardless of my confidence in how I parent or confidence in myself, it never makes you feel good when another parents attacks you like that. An inappropriate comment followed by a really harsh judgement. I think the thing that hurt me the most was my supposed friends lack of defense for me and what he said. I haven’t gotten one single apology since it happened. Don’t ever feel like you owe the people that hurt you any communication. You don’t!
So here is the big picture. I will reiterate that this is not the time, nor is it ever the time, but especially right now is not the time to be judging another parent. I do realize that this aggressive behavior from this Man was coming from his own unhappiness and insecurities with himself. Regardless, there is no excuse for the behavior, tone and words that came out of his mouth. I have gone beyond for these people in terms of coming to their defense when they needed it and being a really good friend in general with my generosity and kindness. It’s a fucking slap in the face is what it all was. Am I surprised? Unfortunately not. So back to the big picture. This is not the time to be judgy or take your insecurities out on other people, especially other parents. We are all dealing with something that was unforeseeable. It’s 10 times for work raising our children right now. It is so much more demanding. I am someone who spends every waking day with my child and she is literally my favorite person to be with. Couldn’t have asked for a better quarantine buddy, ride or die little bestie. We need to respect each other. Respect boundaries, respect the way each of us wants to parent and respect the weight that each and every one of us is carrying. Single parents are especially being hit the hardest right now. Between working, homeschooling, caregiving, cleaning, and keeping our mental health in tact through all the chaos, we are fucking warriors. Make no mistake I will stand up for all of you if anyone messes with you, so just hit me up!
Something that is also a big issue, has been for centuries and needs to be corrected is the respect that Men have for women. The fact that any man has the audacity to speak to another women the way I was spoken too is just beyond horrifying. If I had a husband who spoke that way to another women, the only thing on my mind would be…DIVORCE! Harsh? I don’t think so. I have dealt with shitty men my whole life. I have had a couple shitty relationships, I have a man in particular who has been horrible to me my whole life and at 34 years old, I am not willing to deal with any of it anymore. It needs to change. The behaviors, the actions, the respect. When this type of behavior is condoned that is only making it worse. No women should ever allow verbal abuse in any form. I know I don’t. I personally stay clear and take anyone out with the trash who talks to me the way I was spoken to this past weekend. I don’t know if most men understand what Women go through as mothers. And can you imagine a women like me who is doing it all? The only comments you should ever be making to any mother and especially the single ones is, “You are doing an amazing job, you are an inspiration, you are a boss and your children are lucky to have you.” If you have anything but kind words to say to another women or a mother, KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT.
I will always be transparent with my readers. I don’t think there is much I will ever keep from you. And a word to the wise. If you don’t want me to write about you, don’t fuck with me. I will expose any person who messes with my life, my happiness and my hard work.
Single moms, single dads, parents in general. Respect each other. We are all a bit more vulnerable these days regardless of how strong we might be. Don’t take your problems out on other people. I for one am not a punching bag for anyone at this point in my life. The people I am close to, I will have your back. Anyone who knows me knows I will fight tooth and nail for anyone I am close with because I do not care what other people think and I always want people to feel heard, feel safe and feel like they have someone they can count on. When your cross me, I will never again be this person for you, so cherish my loyalty friends.
I hope this sends a clear message for those reading this that your behavior right now is more meaningful then ever before. It is a time for change. Change for respecting one another, stoping hate and creating a world for our children where they can feel safe.
Because I am MollieAF and will always be a strong force for many of you, just know that your voice matters and if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable, icky, or tries to make you feel less than you are, you have my permission to tell them to “FUCK OFF”, and take them out with the trash!
Lots of love, Embrace the Chaos and take NO BULLSHIT!