Dream or Reality?

Ever since I was a little girl I have had very vivid and disturbing dreams. I am usually being chased, sometimes I die. I rarely have a dream where I am frolicking on the beach, meeting the love of my life. With all the research I have done on what our dreams symbolize, I have come to find that my life is in a constant state of change. Death in a dream means change, being chased also has to do with change. It’s true, my life is always changing in a very dramatic way, good and…well I don’t want to use the word bad, so we shall say challenging changes. Some of the changes in my life I control, some of them are out of my control in the beginning. What do I mean? Well, for instance, you can’t control the way some people treat you, but you can control how you react to the way you are being treated and what you do moving forward. I am getting to something, I am sure some of you already guessed this. There is always a point to everything I write. OBVIOUSLY!

Recently I launched my store with a bunch of really awesome SINGLE AF merchandise. Totes, wine glasses, shirts, stickers, keychains, coffee mugs. A lot of cool stuff, but it didn’t go as well as I had hoped. This is something I worked really hard on and spent a lot of money on. The amount of support I got was slim to none. Most people would be ashamed to even admit this and keep it to themselves. I am not ashamed of anything that happens in my life. Confident AF, it’s a MollieAF mentality. Anyways, the launch didn’t go so great. I thought I had a lot of supportive people in my life. I was wrong! Yes, I also have no issue admitting when I am wrong. That’s right, not a single one of my good friends gave support or even my acquaintances. Not even a message like, “congrats Mollie on your launch and your new website MollieAF.com.” NOTHING! And yes, there were a couple people who posted for me and I appreciated that a lot, but I did give them the merch for free. I had ONE friend who (no offense), isn’t even a really good friend of mine who bought a wine glass, a guy too, but nonetheless, it meant a lot! None of my Women friends bought anything. It hurt my feelings, and when my feelings get hurt these days, as a strong Single AF Women in my 30’s, well, I fucking move on, my wall grows higher and higher. I don’t have time for bullshit or for anyone who doesn’t support me. My daughter, my family and my work are becoming the only things that matter to me.

Friendships consistently disappoint me. It’s really sad to say. Listen, I am not saying I don’t have any good friendships, I think I do, it is probably the one thing I question consistently more than anything. Is this person really my friend? If push came to shove would they be there for me? When I need them most can I count on them? When big things happen for me will I get their support? These are all questions I ask myself about my friendships. The answer I have gotten from the actions, or lack thereof, is that I don’t have a lot of support. This is not a cry for sympathy! Fuck that shit! These types of situations make me stronger, make me focus harder on the things that truly matter because I am going places and at the end of the day, the people who didn’t support me will just be another face in the crowd.

That is how you really move forward in life. When you can truly stand alone, focus on the people that love you and support you unconditionally and know that change is ok. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to find your people. People are always changing, so sometimes what used to work, doesn’t anymore. I don’t trust most people and I have very good reason not too, which I have written quite a bit about. It’s ok not to trust if that is what you need to keep yourself, your well being protected. When I was younger I used to start off trusting people automatically. Now, I start off not trusting people at all until their actions prove that I can trust them. I am not perfect and I will never claim to be, but I know I do a pretty damn good job trying to show the people in my life that I support them and that I have their back.

My disappointment in people doesn’t last very long anymore because I thrive off of the few people that love me unconditionally, it’s all I really need, and of course my infinite energy and drive to create and do really big things for this world. The bullshit is just bullshit. You might step in in, you clean it off, you keep fucking stomping forward, leaving the shit on the pavement where it belongs. That’s a MollieAF quote for you, hot off the press. YOU ARE WELCOME!

MollieAF