American “Asshole” Airlines…Fasten your belts!

I find that a lot of parents are intimidated to fly with their kids. I have been flying with my daughter since she was one month old and at this point the only thing I get nervous about is her puking in the car on the way to the airport, (we recently left a car seat curbside, covered in puke…WARNING, suspicious package covered in vomit), or assholes at security or the gate giving me a hard time. So far in the 3 years that I have been flying with her solo, people hassling us at the airport has not been an issue…until recently. I hear the horror stories of things that happen to people with kids at the airport all the time. Ok, so my situation wasn’t a horror, but it was shitty enough that it turned heads and had a lot of people asking if I was OK once we were all on the flight.

First off I am going to say that I normally only fly Delta Airlines or Alaska. I have always had the best experiences since traveling with a child on these airlines, but my Mom likes to fly American Airlines and so I gave in for her and booked a ticket back with her and my daughter in AMERICAN ASSHOLE AIRLINES! Yup, that’s the new name for it. It’s your fault Mom! Just kidding, I love my Mother more than anyone (besides my kid). Fucking AMERICAN ASSHOLES! My bad, it gets my blood boiling when I have to rewrite what ASSHOLES these idiots were to my daughter and I. (I would like to add that I hope no one is playing a drinking game of how many times I say ASSHOLE in this, because you might look like an ASSHOLE when you fall flat on your face after reading this. ASSHOLE is going to be said A LOT). Back to the story! Those of us with children and most people in general who fly frequently, know the obvious rules of boarding. First it’s people with disabilities and people needing extra time. Then first class and Elite members and next it’s PEOPLE TRAVELING WITH SMALL CHILDREN! I have never ever heard this any other way on any airline even before I had my kid. Sometimes they even let people with small children board after anyone in a wheel chair and that’s if the airline is being extra nice. So like always, since my daughter has traveled with me, once boarding starts I get myself ready near the boarding line, but the bitch who was checking in passengers decided she wanted to give me shit for my carry on bag. My carry on bag that is airline approved, my carry on bag that I have been traveling with for the last 8-10 years. It looks meaty and big boned, but that is because I put my pillow in it and it squishes right down. But no, this bitch wanted to give me a really hard time. In fact, she didn’t like that I proved that it fit in the bag sizer, because she didn’t like how I squished it in there. “No, it’s suppose to go in easy ma’am.” Lady don’t call me ma’m! People don’t like it when you prove them wrong and I do that quite a bit.

So this hateful bitch, who probably doesn’t have kids, starts boarding in order, but right after first class and Elite, she starts boarding by group number (I am in group 6). I walk up to her and ask what is going on, “aren’t you suppose to be boarding people will small children?” She looks straight at me and says, “I will let you know when I am ready for you.” OH FUCK NO LADY, I WILL LET YOU KNOW! You better believe your ass I wasn’t going to stand to be treated like this. So I looked at my Mom and said, “screw this we are getting on the plane.” I walk up and tell the women that she is a horrible person for treating us this way, she makes me resize my bag, tells me I am going to have to check it, blah blah. Tells me I cannot put the pillow back in the bag after seeing everything I am carrying for myself and my kid. Nope, wants to make me as miserable as possible because her boyfriend probably dumped her recently for bringing up wanting kids, so she is hating on me and my adorable kid. (I like to think there was a scenario that caused her to wake up and decide to make someones life as shitty as hers). Finally a manager lady who sees that I am clearly being treated with disrespect, (and I am purposely holding up the line because if you are going to hold me up, I could care less about anyone else). In fact the bitch points out, as her manager is walking up, that I am holding up the line. I look up at her and yell that she has some nerve to treat a single mom like this and that SHE is the one holding everyone up.

I am finally let onto the plane, my Mother is letting me handle the situation, she sees I have clearly got this under control. Once I stepped foot onto the plane I go to put my pillow in the bag, the man bringing down bags to be gate checked yells at me, “YOU BETTER NOT PUT THAT BACK IN YOUR BAG!” In which I reply, “WHY ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME!” He goes, “excuse me?” As though I am not allowed to curse. So I grab everything, my daughter is in tears watching me, her mother being treated this way, I tromp down the aisle knocking into people and not giving a care in the world because AMERICAN ASSHOLE AIRLINES has ruined my day!

Hey guess what? I put the pillow back in my bag! Oh, and guess what again…It fucking fit in the overhead perfectly! So naturally I took a photo so that if this ever happens again I am going to shove the photo right in their faces. Needless to say I got some special attention on the plane, people were really sympathetic and the rest of the trip went smoothly. My three year streak of being treated wonderfully on airlines with a kid has been broken, but you better believe I am no push over and don’t take any shit. I was ready to be thrown off that plane for standing my ground, but then I would have whipped out my phone to film the whole thing, tag it on REDDIT and the whole bit, instagram, twitter, facebook, etc. Ya that’s the last thing these airlines need. “SINGLE MOM GETS THROWN OFF AMERICAN ASSHOLE AIRLINES!”

Who played the drinking game? You are an absolute baller if you did because I sure said ASSHOLE a lot…There was one more for ya 😉

Single AF